she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
