My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
