I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
