I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
