I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
