Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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