Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
