i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
