a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
