In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
then he tried to convert me to islam
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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