Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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