So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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