it wasn't lemon gatorade
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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