he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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