i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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