I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
