Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
