OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
