there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
