i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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