Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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