Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
