my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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