There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
