YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
