I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
