Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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