I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
