I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
