Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
