I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
