He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
