i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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