you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
