I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
