I wish my penis had an off switch
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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