He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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