Nicole vs. Life
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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