in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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