But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
