Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
