I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
