Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we're so committed to being not committed
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
