I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
