Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
