It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
