from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
