I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
