I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
