Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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