It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
