Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
