This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
